hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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