dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
