dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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