we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
