Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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