dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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