Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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