Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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