I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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