To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
