he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
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Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
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I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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