the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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