the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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