There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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