i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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