You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
