he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
