woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
