I cannot find my penis.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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