im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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