Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
