This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
