If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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