my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
