How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
