Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
