All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
