I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
