Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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