1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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