The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
