I just threw up on my dentist
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
