put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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