I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
