So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
