stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
