Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
