Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
