they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize