sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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