He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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