I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
