he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
