My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
