But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
