...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
