You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
