I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize