you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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