I skipped work to stalk him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
