i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
