Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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