is wine microwaveable?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
