Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
