I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
