you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
