The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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