I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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