Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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