i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just cropdusted the office
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
