I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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