shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she smelled like a LAN party
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Randomize
