I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
