my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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