I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
