Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
