hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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