you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
