You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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